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EVERYTHING WAS RUINED

somewhere in between
staring down the truth of your deceit, i was blinded by my own belief… in you. how can we see this through? ’cause it would take everything just to tell you….. standing in the shadow of defeat, wishing on the stars for some relief… from this. now what are we gonna do? ’cause it would take everything just to let you… go.

more than this
how long do i have to wait? ’cause nothing’s changing, it’s still the same. i wanna feel more than this for once in my life. i wanna be more than this… be someone. i don’t belong, should i go away? or keep pretending that it’s okay. i wanna feel more than this for once in my life. i wanna be more than this… be someone. and i know that i’m to blame ’cause i’ve been here all this time and haven’t found a way outside my mind. i wanna feel more than this for once in my life. i will never be more than this… i’m no one.

everything is nothing
i could do this for another hundred years, but that would only bring another million tears. down here on my knees, i’m begging, darling, please… please don’t go, please don’t go, baby, please don’t go. i’ve been wasting time just always wondering where you are, where you’ve gone to, and where you’ve been. i dreamed a perfect kiss, pressed up against your lips, but you don’t know, you don’t know, baby, you don’t know. i was so naive to think and to believe we could be young, we could be stupid, could be wild and free. but here we are again– a moment to pretend what we both know, we both know, baby, we both know.

now is the time
all i do is keep on waiting for you. all my life, i’ve compromised. but now, i finally realize it’s time to make my move. where to go? ’cause i’ve been sinking so low. i thought you’d fill this empty heart, but all we’ve done is drift apart. it’s time that you should know. take it back and let’s rewind so you can see and you can find, ask me questions, read my mind. but nothing’s changed ’cause now’s the time.

LOVE WILL BE DEFEATED

i dreamt that you almost loved me
i want something to believe in, but i just can’t let go of this feeling of a love cast down with no hope or healing, on my heart of glass that you keep on stealing.

i believed you when you said yes
i just wanted to be your hope, your someone to run to, someone to hold on to. you said you just wanted to be alone with no one to cry to, but i can’t forget you. just give me a chance and i will never let you down. just say what you need and i will always be around.

11:11
every breath i take whispers your name. every move i make is part of your game. ’cause i need your love… your love. every step i take leads to your door. every wish i make leaves me wanting more. ’cause i need your love… your love.

it was just another memory i’ll erase
when it feels like we have made a start, i’ll be waiting for you to break my heart. it won’t be long before you’re gone and i’ll admit that i was wrong… and it tears my world apart. hold your head up high and be the girl you’ve thought of. and i’ll close my eyes ’cause i can’t be the one you love. when it feels like you could use a change, i’ll be waiting for you to rearrange the stars at night across the sky, so i can wish to be the guy that you have been dreaming of. keep your smile on wide and be the one that i adore. i’ll open up my eyes and see that there was nothing more.

you will never know
i just wanted to be your love, but being good isn’t good enough. and when push finally came to shove, i couldn’t be brave enough. i just wanted to taste your lust, but my lips are not bold enough to keep you from turning in disgust. i should’ve known, your eyes told enough. and i know we won’t be the same as we grow older. and i will be the one they blame when this is over. i just wanted to feel your touch, but my body isn’t cool enough. and now you’re proving to be too much because my heart cannot trust enough.

the day you disappeared
can you feel it now? there’s something in the air tonight that says we’ll be alright ’cause i’ve been waiting for this moment to arrive and make me feel alive. take my hand, i’ll show you everything if i could be anything to you. can you see it now? there’s a fire inside my heart and you made it spark. but i’m still waiting for your lips to come around and just let me down.

how do i get close to you?
say that it’s over now and i won’t fight. but how can it be that we’ve been wrong all this time when it feels so right? if there’s only one thing you should know, i won’t lie. but i can’t remember all the things that we may have said tonight. how long will i be alone? ’cause i won’t ever be enough. but i know i would do anything to be yours. (i’ll be afraid, i can’t escape. my heart will break every time i see your face.)

on me forever
i’ll never find the words to say. i’ll just stare at you and be betrayed by my own broken heart ’cause we’re still worlds apart. why do we have to live this way? all your wishes, all your wants are all i want to give. but every time i feel you near i know i’ll only be a friend. you’ve lied too many times before. you keep your secrets behind doors. it feels like a heart attack ’cause you can’t take it back. but you’re still the one i’m searching for. all my wishes, all my wants are what you won’t believe. and every time you leave me here i know i’ll only be afraid.

love will be defeated
i’m so sad ’cause the older i get, the more i regret the times we had. it’s been too long that i’ve been trying to hide it, but now it’s too hard to fight it ’cause i’m scared i’m wrong. where to start—the night we first met, or the mistakes we forget that tore us apart? i’m sorry if i let you down… i know i’m not appealing, and you can’t help the feeling that you don’t want me around. but change your mind and you will find that i’m so into you…

THE UNLOVED ONES [EP]

everything we know
i wanted to take you home last night. but i’d been waiting a while for you to say it’d be alright, but nothing’s changing your mind. i want to call you up tonight because we’ve been wasting our time. we could hold hands, we could make out or just be cool because there’s no one around. just don’t let go of everything we know…

the object of my desire
trapped beneath the weight of days, waiting just to say i know that we should go our separate ways and hope to meet again someday, somehow. wrapped up in this dream of lies… if i can open up my eyes, i’d know that i’m the only one to blame and now my heart won’t be the same without your love. i can’t be myself when you’re around, it’s something new. i don’t know myself, all at the cost of loving you. if i could say the words i feel deep in my heart, and if you feel the same way, i won’t be afraid anymore.

for the girl i’ve been dreaming of
hey little darling girl, you’re in my dreams again because i just can’t help this feeling to pretend. i don’t know how to get by without your kiss and that look in your eye and i can’t feel your breath when i go to sleep at night. my little darling girl, you’re in my dreams again, but i don’t like the feeling of having to pretend because i know that there is no time to say all the things that are on your mind. there’s just too many years to make up between the lines. i am not enough to be the one that you could love. so i’ll just give up and let you be the one that i keep dreaming of. take my hand, don’t let it go—i never wanted any more than this.

knowing is half the battle, the other half is just giving up
open your eyes, can you see me now? you’re lost in the crowd, drowning you so loud. crucify all you are to me in the suicide of your heart. walking alone, are you happy now? smiles and your charm can’t save you this time. take all of your breaths in one last cry, and plead for the shame and guilt of your life. open up, let it in, take it all–what your heart can’t give. let it out, let it go, wash away what you can’t forget. am i losing out on a love with you?

forget your youth
tell me one more time, what is it on your mind? but it’s not easy for me, i am barely listening to your words that skew the way i feel for you. i bet it’s not easy fighting off the boys who can’t see that you’re so beautiful, that you’re so wonderful. the way you go, don’t run away from all the secrets i can’t stand. the way you speak goes to my head, can’t i be the one instead? it’s been a long, long time since i first stepped in line to be the one who could do anything you want me to. so just forget the child who day after day and a while let them get the best of you and panicked from the boys who can’t see that you’re so beautiful, that you’re so wonderful.

just another delusion
lost in the wake of the death of your precious smile, i can’t shake the thought that i’ve let myself down. i know i’m to blame for whatever this misery is, troubled and shamed that it’s all in my head. i want it all, but your heart won’t give. just say the word and i’ll go on. i know you deserve something more, all you wish for, and what i will never be. so why can’t i stop fooling myself over you?

TONIGHT [EP]

tonight
i might call you up ’cause i just need some time tonight. but you won’t pick me up ’cause you’d just waste your time tonight. if you could understand that i could be your man tonight. i’ll feel your worst, i’ll steal your jealousy. so come away with me tonight. show me your heart, where it wants to go, and everything there is left to know.

this beautiful tragedy
we stand outside… it’s too late and lonely and always cold when our hearts have fallen old. all the excuses i threw at you cannot pick up the youthless years that surround you. i never thought that i could feel this way….

i was too afraid that nothing could be saved
should i stay? tell me no and i’ll leave for a week or a month or ’til when i can let you go. but turn around to the sound of your beating heart or i’ll just be a memory in your mind. let me know just what i can see in your eyes. will i be just a memory that you never will find? falling on my knees and running out of reasons ’cause there were things that i would say if only i wouldn’t be so afraid. in the end, it doesn’t matter anyway….

give it up
bring your glass to the table… we’ll pour it up and down it like a shot of perfection. turn the lights up at last call… can you see me now? we’ll drive it out under nightfall on 95. we’ll take it slow and just watch all the street lights glow. and we won’t stop ’til the morning comes… i can feel you now. but i saw it in your eyes when you looked at me and all they say is that you’d rather be… alone.

inside out
i’ve spent too many days just wasting away, hanging onto every word that you say because i want this now, it’s all that i need to feel whole, to feel alive, to make my heart bleed. spin this thing around until we can’t see all the stars come full circle to be too many years gone by to let this all go. but i won’t leave, i will not run ’til you let me know. so save yourself…. forget all the things i said i would be. i blame myself, i admit i believed that what i could see was almost real. (i hate myself because i believed that what i could see wasn’t a dream.)

A BLINDING SUNRISE [EP]

the ties that bind will someday kill us
i close my eyes every time i think of you and tell myself all the things i always knew i’d never do. i hold my breath every time i hear from you and lose my mind every time you tell the truth, and you always do. you could tell me again, and i’ll always be there. or you could walk away, but i’ll be right by your side.

the distance
don’t answer that… it’s just a call from someone you know, but he can’t be here. i’d wait for days for you to show, and talk to me whenever you want. so don’t go breaking my heart, there’s nothing left. but just so you know, it’s not your fault. why can’t we be together like we should? won’t you be my one and only?

through the eyes of a merciless youth
remember the day you gave it away? i thought i lost you forever. i heard you say you’re leaving today. i don’t know what to do now. i couldn’t be all that you want me for. it’s a relief because you deserve so much more. i couldn’t see your beauty, so hold on to the one that you adore. but you’re still the one that i’ve been waiting for.

a blinding sunrise
the days go by when you’d never come out, trapped beneath yourself. but i won’t forget to call or send you letters or find you when i get there. the sun is outside. it was such a blinding sunrise, tearing down the walls. but i won’t forget to come and get you, and find you when i get there. i’ll never love one. i’ll never trust again.

the one that got away
one night, i was holding your hand, telling you i love you. you look so nice here in my arms, laughing all the while, while i’m still the one who couldn’t let go. summer was never enough inside your heart. you were always searching inside of me for what i can’t be. but you’re still the one who couldn’t let go.

THE WAY THINGS ARE

your neverending failure
your love let me down, but i won’t be afraid. time takes its toll, but my heart won’t get old. carry yourself around, but you won’t see this through to the end.

without a trace
wake me up. i don’t want to fall asleep again because it’s the only way i’ll see your face. my dreams are broken and lost in space, and now you’re gone without a trace. i’m going to hold you to every word you say, your ungrateful deeds, and selfish ways. and how does it feel now? you got what you deserve—faced with lies and a love that hurts. i don’t know what you’re looking for. i’m not asking for anything more. but i wanted to be your sin.

under the knife
i can’t strip away the pain or break apart the sorrow. i don’t want to live through this or even face tomorrow. you’d trace it back to me and hold me to my actions. but i won’t put up with any of this or let you impose detraction on me. you hate me, you thought i couldn’t be what you deserve. but say that you’ll at least remember. save me from being someone you could hurt, and shape me into something you remember.

always taken
please kiss these lips tonight, they’re dry. i’m waiting. sit close to me, i’ll hold you tight until the morning. i won’t close my eyes, i’ll open wide because i’m watching to see you sleep all through the night and your breathing. just when i find hope, you’re always taken. so how will i find love when you’re always taken?

downtime
walk out into the night in my sleep, it’s 4am. tell me i could never be the one. silence speaks to me slowly, smoking through the tears, while i’m turning myself out, choking on the years. so hold on, we’ll figure things out, talk it over, and somehow make it through with no doubt that we’ll drive into the ground.

the way things are
tracing back the steps you made to show me the way and understand that what you meant is there’s nothing to say. picking up and crawling back into your heart. but i’ve been gone for far too long that i forgot who we are. and all this time, nothing has changed. but you’ve moved too far and i can’t see the way things are.

every time i think about you is just another twist of the dagger in my heart
lost in a million years of time, guarded by the spaces of your mind. holding onto nothing but stars, scared by the silence of your heart… so quiet. and you’re so gone now.

glaciers
i saw you standing there with the sun on your face and your hair on your shoulders, but i looked away. you walked into the room, so young and afraid. with the world on your shoulders, you asked me to take you away. i couldn’t speak, i couldn’t find words to say what’s on my mind. if i had just a little time, everything would be just fine. if we had just a little time, i know you could be mine.

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the phone is still ringing in my head, left me awake in the dead of night. i can’t believe the words you said. you had me lying all night in bed. i just can’t pretend anymore. i’m falling off the world again. i’m calling out the world again. i’m so alone without your smile. standing, head down, eyes closed, not a sound but the rain—you kept me coming back for more. i can’t believe the words you said. you had me crying all night in bed. i just can’t pretend anymore.

THIS NEW OCEAN

who will love you
it’s been two years and now you’re gone. left everything but stole my heart. when will you open up your eyes and see the world you left behind & everything you are. you came to me to say, “i’m packing up, i’m gone today.” it’s just the price to pay ’cause who will love you anyway? it’s been two weeks since you’ve been gone, left in the wake of your desire. forget about the things you took. just turn and give me one last look. i’m everything you want. search yourself for what you needed–a little bit of time to find yourself and what you needed was a little bit of time. you kicked me to the floor, said goodbye, and closed the door. but it’s ok, i’m sure that i don’t love you anymore.

experimenting with mercury
turn me around to look back and see the way you knew that all i could do was wait around here for another chance to say “all i want is nothing”. so stay and i will show you everything. burn to the ground all your memories and solitude. don’t do what you do, holding out here for a second chance to say “all i want is nothing”. so stay and i will give you everything. (just for today, don’t turn me away. we’ll make this into something good enough for both of us, even if it’s nothing. all in time, it’ll be just fine. we’ll turn this into something good enough for both of us, as long as it’s not nothing.)

the ringer is set on high
i’d fall to my knees and beg you to please answer my calls because i want to hear you speak. but don’t push me away, i’d do anything you say. and if you tell me to go, maybe then i will know that you don’t want me around and that’s the way it has to be. so i’ll forget that i fell in love and just pretend you were a dream.

liars always win
it’s so lonely without you. my heart is as empty as the halls that we used to run through. back in your room, you lock the door and close your eyes. but it’s of no use when the ghosts of love know you’re alive. open your eyes, light up that cigarette, only because you can. let yourself go, forget about everything, only because i know i want to be yours.

lifting weights won’t make me strong
taking back all you said won’t make a difference or matter anyway. you and i are making like we’re two diamonds falling from the sky. letting go of all you did as necessary, completely fairly done. watch it go like butterflies, so beautiful and hard to see it so. pulling all the weight in this, you look good inside.

the truth
throw your mouth in spite of the time with one last kiss falling against mine. your secret sighs broken by whispers and all that lies underneath all the hurt. say you won’t back down, tell me “don’t let go.” just like every time you let me know it’s ok. say you’ll hold me tight, never let me go. just like every time you let me know it’s ok.

sliding glass door
it’s almost midnight by my watch and endless, sleepless nights have just begun. we’ve been up for hours now, and down to secrets, all that’s left to tell. selling yourself out to someone i would never be, drowning yourself in a world i will never see.

wait
carry yourself if they seem real, dreams that throw you back for more. but it’s not worth crying for. bury yourself with what you feel, drowned in lies you can’t ignore. so say goodbye to all your tears before you want so much more, but you knew it’s not worth waiting for. so please let me be all you’re wishing for ’cause you give me more, and to me you’re all worth waiting for.

tv and sleeping
the tv is on, waiting for you. kill the lights, open a window, and fall asleep. i’m tossing and turning the air. rolling on in your ecstasy, breathing in your hair so deeply. the kettle on the stove is whistling at you. but coffee is my thing with sugar and cream. how can i escape when all i know is you? how can i forget? when will i let go of this ghost i have loved for so long?

where the years went
time stands still with a look in your eyes. it breaks my will to hold you inseparable. tear apart all that holds you down, but break my heart and i’ll hold you accountable. you’re letting me down all over again, but watching you drown keeps me up now and then.

not the one
two thousand days are all we have left between the lines from start to finish. fifty-six hours til i can fall asleep next to you. but who knew? sputters and coughs are all we have left to give, so keep on pushing. you’re not the one i knew.

this new ocean
speak to me slowly in words i understand–“just let it go now, what can’t you comprehend?” you’ll be gone and i’ll be fine just going nowhere. look at me softly with eyes that make me weak. and like the ocean’s water, you sunk my heart so deep. you’ll be gone and i’ll be fine just going nowhere. so i’ll make a wish and hope in time that you’ll open up. you’re all the world over, so why can’t i be in love?

MISCELLANEOUS

a better day
don’t do what you do… i’m so incapable and you’re irresistible. when we are alone, i can’t put up a fight, so i just might fall for your smile. you lost me in your ways… it’s uncontrollable, my tears inconsolable. so how do i move on? i can’t see the light, your shadow’s right over my heart. you never even let me know your name–it’s a mystery, a misery. you never even let me feel your breath–it seems so warm, but i’ll never know. now i don’t even want to know your name–it’s still a mystery, my misery. and i don’t even want to feel your breath, ’cause i’ll be warm as long as you’re around.

angel in the hall
last night was so long ago, when we were together. but tell me i’m not alone, that this could be forever. for years, all in regret, hoping we could just forget and go on living out our lies, hurting each other. but it’s too late to turn this around, and now you’re gone forever. angel, where have you gone? you’re the only one i need to know. turn around and don’t look back at the other one whose love you lack. just turn around and don’t look away from the other one whose love you gave.

in disguise
hidden fire burning me down. my desire, dressed in your black gown. easy liar, drowning in your cries. lost in shire, throwing it all away, selling another day. save your eyes and chase me around. hold it close and don’t let go, wasting your life away in disguise. hidden lover holding me down. my desire shames to be your crown.

cayley plains
so far, i’ve been feeling used. nineteen efforts all refused, thrown back from you. today, i’ve been gone for hours and come home to messages i’ve scoured the years just to find that you were never mine, all through the time. so we’ve crossed that line and it’s too late to say… tell me it’s not over, we’re not even close to over. this is not the end, i will see you again. you can’t fool anyone but me, playing tricks of tomorrows that bring dreams of you. so what can i do if all you say is true?